I think, in the state of lacking words that I'm experiencing right now, that's how I'd describe what I feel.

Though I thought to myself that I'd be fine, I'm really not. I'm not bitching around here. I'm not ranting. I'm just... I just want to express myself. To put what I really feel right now into words, even though I'm BLANK. because I know that if I continue to do so, somehow in the middle of all this, I'd certainly find the words and phrases I'm searching for.

I'm messed up, and I don't know how to fix myself anymore. I don't know who to blame. ME, for putting myself into this state in the first place? Or him, for making me decide to put myself into this? Me, because I didn't listen to a fucking word they were trying to say? Though at that time, they all sound like poison, I might've been just too afraid to accept the facts. Because I didn't wanna let go just yet, no matter how sick were the things we did. They said it was wrong, but I just ignored their words. And fuck me, 'cause I took their cares and concerns into a pit of nothingness, ignoring it as I go. Or should I blame them, because they didn't put enough effort. enough effort so that what they wanted to say came through me.

I'm sure the answer's there somehow.

Sorry, I'm feeling groggy from all the distilled ethanol I've had.

But life really is just like a bitch.